so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
