Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize