He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
