oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
