Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
