I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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