Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
