so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
