stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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