I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
