i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
