Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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