You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
