when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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