a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize