im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
