I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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