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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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