I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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