I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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