If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
