I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
