Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
