i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
