I think i peed on brittanys purse
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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