He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
