rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
