So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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