guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize