I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
two words...techno handjob
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
