Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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