there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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