ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
