he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Four minutes until I can fart!
We are two peas in an std pod
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
