my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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