Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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