when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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