We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize