Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
