My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
