i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
