Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I believe in your delicious
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
