Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
