No, you can still breathe under the balls.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Everyone says I win the strip club
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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