Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
