All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
