TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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