PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
