If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
