Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
