just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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