If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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