WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
