if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize