I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
