im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize