I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
