Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
