so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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