based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Success! We fucked roommates!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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