I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So vagazzling was a success
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
