please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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