If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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