why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
