i was rollin on her like bob the builder
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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