it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
