the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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