man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
