I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
