I didn't shave. On purpose
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
