I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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