idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
