Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
