The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
