the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
