Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize