On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
