3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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