glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
