12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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