ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
