Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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