Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
