So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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