They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
