Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
