I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize