Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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