if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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