I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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