We got so high we made milksteak
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
