I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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