Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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