how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
