i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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