So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
