I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
